The Opposite of Spoiled: Lessons during this season of giving

All thinking parents with children of any ages may want to read a terrific book called The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. By New York Times columnist Ron Lieber, it was a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller when it was released in 2015. Having spent time this holiday season reading it cover to cover, I can understand why. *

During the course of my decades working in schools, I've been fascinated to see how independent school parents and other parents of relative wealth teach their children to be grounded and grateful and, well, the opposite of spoiled. Many of these children grow up rarely seeing their parents scratching and clawing and eating Ramen noodles during the parents’ salad years. Instead, when children are old enough to recognize differences, they often find they have their own bedroom and bathroom, there's a two or three car garage, they go to Disney World more often than most, and they are educated in top-notch schools.

With those opportunities, how do parents make sure that their children will be as grateful and as hungry to achieve as the parents themselves were? And how do we educate our children about the need to give back and to help those who are not as fortunate? How do we teach children to make sacrificial gifts?

The Opposite of Spoiled offers a process for parents to undergo to make sure their children turn out, generally, just as described above. I was buoyed recently when, demonstrating quite the opposite of spoiled, our students at The Country School made me as proud as I ever am. The 8th Grade class, our student leaders, proposed to the rest of the Middle School that they forego the annual tradition of Secret Santa and, instead, donate the equivalent of the money to the Community Dining Room in Branford, where we have a long-time relationship preparing and serving meals to neighbors in  need.

Our students knew that, while an enjoyable activity, another gift would not mean as much to them as what they proposed doing for others. The students each brought money in and bought gift certificates for the regular guests at the Community Dining Room and, a few days before Christmas, quietly gave the gift certificates along with clothing and toys for the children. It was a demonstration of generosity, sensitivity, and empathy.

Country School families (and a special, bearded volunteer) served dinner at The Community Dining Room just before the holidays. More here.

Our 6th Graders made me proud when they read about the boy who had his arm broken on the playground at the culmination of a month-long bullying experience. Our students, feeling the boy’s pain, set out to buoy his spirits. Since this young boy is a Star Wars fan, our students made him a blanket, collected books, and created a Darth Vader secret bookshelf. They also made a Star Wars slideshow, a skit that they wrote and performed themselves, and a musical performance of the Star Wars theme song. The story of Jonathan touched our 6th Graders’ hearts, inspiring them to look beyond themselves and to prove to this young boy that he matters.

The opposite of spoiled is what we all want for our children and grandchildren. Lieber provides his readers with a basic foundation for wise budgeting: Spend, Save, Give. Spending wisely teaches children about modesty, prudence and thrift. Saving teaches them about patience and delayed gratification. And giving imparts lessons about generosity and gratitude. I recommend this book to you highly, as it puts a spin on the perennial parenting task of raising thankful, aware children by using the vehicle of currency to teach not only about money management but also how to think about others.

* Country School parents, teachers, and guests had the privilege of hearing Ron Lieber speak about The Opposite of Spoiled in February 2015, when he joined us in Elmore Library as part of our Parent and Educator Series (click here for more). Like many of us, I suspect, I have been spending some of my winter break catching up on reading, and it was wonderful to return to this book and read it through, cover to cover. Not only did it provide some terrific advice, but it also made me proud to be a part of The Country School community, where our students are committed to helping others and our adults know that learning is a lifelong pursuit. We look forward to bringing more speakers and interesting topics to audiences of all ages in 2017. Stay tuned…. For more about our Parent and Educator Series, see the link below:

The Country School Parent and Educator Series: Fostering Lifelong Learning

Ron Lieber in Elmore Library.