The Opposite of Spoiled: Lessons during this season of giving

All thinking parents with children of any ages may want to read a terrific book called The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money. By New York Times columnist Ron Lieber, it was a New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller when it was released in 2015. Having spent time this holiday season reading it cover to cover, I can understand why. *

During the course of my decades working in schools, I've been fascinated to see how independent school parents and other parents of relative wealth teach their children to be grounded and grateful and, well, the opposite of spoiled. Many of these children grow up rarely seeing their parents scratching and clawing and eating Ramen noodles during the parents’ salad years. Instead, when children are old enough to recognize differences, they often find they have their own bedroom and bathroom, there's a two or three car garage, they go to Disney World more often than most, and they are educated in top-notch schools.

With those opportunities, how do parents make sure that their children will be as grateful and as hungry to achieve as the parents themselves were? And how do we educate our children about the need to give back and to help those who are not as fortunate? How do we teach children to make sacrificial gifts?

The Opposite of Spoiled offers a process for parents to undergo to make sure their children turn out, generally, just as described above. I was buoyed recently when, demonstrating quite the opposite of spoiled, our students at The Country School made me as proud as I ever am. The 8th Grade class, our student leaders, proposed to the rest of the Middle School that they forego the annual tradition of Secret Santa and, instead, donate the equivalent of the money to the Community Dining Room in Branford, where we have a long-time relationship preparing and serving meals to neighbors in  need.

Our students knew that, while an enjoyable activity, another gift would not mean as much to them as what they proposed doing for others. The students each brought money in and bought gift certificates for the regular guests at the Community Dining Room and, a few days before Christmas, quietly gave the gift certificates along with clothing and toys for the children. It was a demonstration of generosity, sensitivity, and empathy.

Country School families (and a special, bearded volunteer) served dinner at The Community Dining Room just before the holidays. More here.

Our 6th Graders made me proud when they read about the boy who had his arm broken on the playground at the culmination of a month-long bullying experience. Our students, feeling the boy’s pain, set out to buoy his spirits. Since this young boy is a Star Wars fan, our students made him a blanket, collected books, and created a Darth Vader secret bookshelf. They also made a Star Wars slideshow, a skit that they wrote and performed themselves, and a musical performance of the Star Wars theme song. The story of Jonathan touched our 6th Graders’ hearts, inspiring them to look beyond themselves and to prove to this young boy that he matters.

The opposite of spoiled is what we all want for our children and grandchildren. Lieber provides his readers with a basic foundation for wise budgeting: Spend, Save, Give. Spending wisely teaches children about modesty, prudence and thrift. Saving teaches them about patience and delayed gratification. And giving imparts lessons about generosity and gratitude. I recommend this book to you highly, as it puts a spin on the perennial parenting task of raising thankful, aware children by using the vehicle of currency to teach not only about money management but also how to think about others.

* Country School parents, teachers, and guests had the privilege of hearing Ron Lieber speak about The Opposite of Spoiled in February 2015, when he joined us in Elmore Library as part of our Parent and Educator Series (click here for more). Like many of us, I suspect, I have been spending some of my winter break catching up on reading, and it was wonderful to return to this book and read it through, cover to cover. Not only did it provide some terrific advice, but it also made me proud to be a part of The Country School community, where our students are committed to helping others and our adults know that learning is a lifelong pursuit. We look forward to bringing more speakers and interesting topics to audiences of all ages in 2017. Stay tuned…. For more about our Parent and Educator Series, see the link below:

The Country School Parent and Educator Series: Fostering Lifelong Learning

Ron Lieber in Elmore Library.

Turning Things That Aren't Into A Thing That Most Definitely Is

Writing a book takes hope because the author never knows whether a publisher will pick up the book and whether, even published, the book will find any readers. 

I felt less of that pressure to find strong readership because I was writing The Curious Guide To Things That Aren't largely in memory of my father and in celebration of my mother. Nevertheless, finding it published and on the shelves is an exciting experience, and also a wonderful way to relive my childhood with my parents.

My mom and dad, Jim and Mary Fixx, began the work on The Curious Guide to Things That Aren’t back in 1959 or so, when, as young Oberlin College graduates and newlyweds, they conceived of its subject. My father picked away at the writing while my mother worked on a couple of preliminary illustrations. But they had a first child, followed quickly by their second – me – and the book was set aside. It was really moved to the back shelf when my younger brother and sister, twins, entered the world. With four children under the age of five, there just wasn’t much time to sit at the drafting table and illustrate or enough peace and quiet outside of the office to write the story.

My father went on to edit magazines, including serving as managing editor of McCalls, and to write professionally, producing three books of puzzles – Games for the Super-Intelligent, More Games for the Super-Intelligent and Solve It – and then four books on exercise, including The Complete Book of Running, which spent 56 weeks in the number one spot on The New York Times bestseller list.

After putting aside Things That Aren't some time in the mid-60s, my father may have never thought again about completing it. In any case it wasn’t something he ever discussed with my siblings or me. I found the draft among his papers after he passed away in 1984, but because I was 22 at the time and had just started my first job out of college, I did not have any chance to focus on it.

It was only when our own children were grown and I had retired from Chase Collegiate School as Head and decided not to accept the offers of two two additional independent school headships to become development director at The Country School that I found myself with the time to tackle the book. Things That Aren't was written late at night, on weekends and during the early morning hours, and I enjoyed the challenging writing task immensely. At times I felt like a Swiss watch maker, as I tried to find the right word, arranging jewels in just the right way in a watch. Other times, like our students sometimes, I would feel clumsy and inept, unable to find the right words to capture my thoughts.

My wife, Liza, a bookseller, suggested the book could work well as an alphabet book. My father had written seven of the chapters already, and so seven are his and 19 of them are mine.

When the first copy of the book was printed, Liza brought it home and I sat to read it. As I encountered my father's words freshly, I stopped often and thought, “Gosh, he was a good writer."

As the book was being written, I relied on my colleagues at The Country School, where I was named Head of School in 2014. With support from teachers in Grades Kindergarten-5th, I visited classrooms and talked about the subject matter with students. Not only was I trying to find out what age level and ability seem to be the sweet spot for the book, but I needed some help understanding a child's perspective with words like breath and fog and memory and gravity. I'm indebted to those colleagues for giving me class time to work with their students.

I have a number of great memories from those months. One example is when I was asking for help with clues for the word “darkness.” One of the students suggested that darkness is what blind people see all the time. I never would have come up with that on my own.

Abby Carter, the book’s illustrator, was able to incorporate one of my mother’s sketches into her brilliant illustrations. It was a total joy to work with Abby and to see the way she was able to take and enliven the manuscript with her sketches. I am in awe of her art ability and creativity.

Abby and I were classmates and friends in college at Wesleyan University. About three years ago, after I began working at The Country School, we met for lunch, and I proposed we collaborate on this book. Maybe a week later, I asked her how it was going. The whimsy and whim you see in her illustrations came out in the way she responded to that question. She essentially said that she was all excited when we talked over lunch, but when she sat down at her table to begin to draw, she realized that she was being asked to sketch, literally, things that aren't. “How do you capture air, breath, shadows, an echo, fog, and gravity in an illustration?” she asked. Of course, the book is about puzzles and riddles and the talented Abby solved that puzzle 26 times brilliantly.

My father was always fascinated by puzzles and games. He worked closely with his beloved Mensa organization, trading puzzles and brainteasers with other high intelligence people from around the world. He would enjoy the exchanges even more today, with the ease of the Internet and quick response.

My father's puzzles and games overlapped with his love of running and exercise. Studies have proven that brain activity and creativity are enhanced by physical activity and the release of dopamine and chemicals. I remember runs with my father, from when I was six years old through to 22 years old, during which he would try out the latest puzzle or word game with me. “OK, John,” my father might ask, 12 miles into a 15 mile run, "You are given three objects – a paperclip, an anvil, and 12 feet of rope. What can you do that is useful with those three objects?”

Anyway, that sort of imagination game from my father was similar to the genesis of this book: "OK, John. Your mother and I are leaving you two illustrations and seven short chapters. See how you might be able to make use of them."

If you enjoy deductive reasoning and brainteasers, welcome to The Curious Guide to Things That Aren’t.

If only they lived near The Country School…

'Let My Kids Be Kids': After Slight, Mom Pens Permanent Tree Climbing Permission Slip

Here at The Country School, many of us have been captured by this heartfelt plea from a mother whose children were prevented from climbing a tree on their school campus. As a school that commits substantial time each day for outside play – before school, during recesses, after lunch, during outdoor PE class, and after school – The Country School applauds this mother’s perspective.

It’s almost impossible to set foot on The Country School campus without hearing joyful noise emanating from some outdoor space. Maybe it’s a group of 5th Graders, inspired by their study of ancient Egypt, gleefully recreating a muddy Aswan dam by a stream in the woods. Or perhaps it’s a collection of students from multiple grades collaborating on one of the structures that surround the perimeter of campus. Or maybe it’s just a good, old-fashioned game of kickball.   

Each day, as I watch our 3 and 4 year olds at pick-up time – and even their younger siblings! – climb up on the rocks by the front entrance and jump off them, I have remarked how trusting and happily "old-fashioned" our Country School parents are. Of course, we don't protect our children by protecting our children. We protect our children by allowing them to take appropriate risks, occasionally scrape their knees or foreheads, and learn how to jump or land differently.

Can a student fall out of a tree and break an arm or a leg? Certainly. Some of the adults reading this blog will have done exactly that. But do you fall out of a tree twice? Probably not.

I revel in the fact that our students get to absorb the outdoor atmosphere regardless of the weather. They sled on our hills and build snow forts (and even snow pyramids – thank you, 5th Graders) in the winter. They happily traverse campus between classes, even when it’s raining. They run cross country soaking wet and cold and they play soccer in the mud – the more mud, the better. After we introduced our new Gaga Pit this winter, they even created something they call gaga knuckles – a condition that arises from smacking the ground too hard when playing Israeli hand-ball in our beloved Gaga Pit. It’s a badge of honor.

A Country School mother remarked the other day that her son came home with two Band-Aids on his legs and she never asked him what happened and it never occurred to him to tell her. Reflecting on it, she told me she figured he must have been having a good day to have put his body in some sort of minor danger. I like that comment.

Not every family at The Country School is raising "free range children" but our families do embrace the ethos – which has been alive since 1955 when our school was founded – that at The Country School students are going to be outside. They will be hiking outside, camping outside, canoeing on rivers, building rafts on lakes, and then – just before graduation – they will spend eight days in the mountains, deserts, and canyons of Utah. They will get hot, cold, wet, dirty, and tired, and they will enjoy better childhoods and live fuller lives because of it.

I wish this Pennsylvania mother lived closer to our campus. I know the perfect the school for her children.

More Outdoor Fun at The Country School

This afternoon.

On the hill in February (this is a teacher).

A special reading nook (this photo is an old favorite, but it's pretty timeless, since structures like this are erected on campus year after year).

Read the complete blog, "Let My Kids Be Kids"

For additional reading on the subject, check out the following articles and interviews:

Getting Outdoors: the Diane Rehm Show

Let ‘Em Out! The Many Benefits of Outdoor Play In Kindergarten: KQED

The Fine Art of Persuasion (Or Please, Sir...)

When our son was young and wanted a toy or possession, he would march up and ask for it. A couple of years later, there was a time when he would clean his room voluntarily or take out the garbage or snuggle my wife, Liza, or me and then, an hour later, ask us for money for a toy or other possession.

I remember being struck by the growth in postponing gratification that must have taken. And then, as he got more sophisticated, he would do tasks voluntarily and then come up with a four-point argument why he should be given this or that toy or possession.

I was reminded of that natural evolution when I was invited to our 3rd Grade classroom here at The Country School and was presented with an array of letters from 3rd Grade students. Here are some lines from those letters:

Dear Mr. Fixx – We want a swimming pool at school!

Dear Mr. Fixx – I think we should have an ice cream bar at school.

Dear Mr. Fixx – We would like a pet day.

Dear Mr. Fixx – We want flag football teams at school!

What was happening is that 3rd Grade teacher Alyson Hill was teaching her children how to write persuasive letters. The enterprising student who was asking for an ice cream bar, for example, buttressed his argument with 11 points, among them:

Firstly, it gets hotter in the school year.… Third, it would refresh everyone. … Fifth, people like ice cream. Sixth, it could be free for students to eat weekly. Seventh, it would not be tons of sugar because it would be one scoop. Eighth, it would go well with the pool. Ninth, Owen’s aunt is a nurse and she says that if you do what you like to do, you work hard. … 11th, it is tasty.

The argument in favor of a pet day was this: 

Our pets miss us during the day. Second, it would be really cool to see other students’ pets. Third, the pets may want to see each other. So please give us a pet day, Mr. Fixx.

The request for a swimming pool at The Country School was crafted this way:

First, on Mondays or after spring break, we will be even more excited to come back to school. Second, we can learn how to swim at school. Third, in science we could learn how to take care of pool water in different environments. … Fifth, on field day we can swim the pool if we get hot. Sixth, last but not least, we want one and the whole 3rd Grade does and maybe the whole school. Thank you for reading this letter.

And here was the argument in favor of a football team:

Kids like sports and they want more recess and gym. Also, it would give kids fun exercise and they wouldn't get hurt. So please can we get a flag football team at school?

While I don't know that I can immediately promise a swimming pool or a permanent ice cream bar, I do think a pet day and occasional flag football game are entirely possible. What I'm more impressed with, however, is the discipline it takes for students to think of what they want to achieve and then to craft persuasive arguments in favor of their goal. I applaud Miss Hill – as I do all of our strong teachers all of the time – for taking the time to reinforce such an important skill.

As an English teacher and as an educator, I worry that the focus on the ephemeral and the youth culture of texting and slang is eroding the syntactical and written conventions that create precise, clear communication. I lv u is not the same as writing, I love you. One makes your heart beat faster and one, if you are of a certain age, makes you fear the full decline of western civilization.

I am proud that at The Country School, accurate spoken and written communication are valued and required. The families who trust their children's education to us expect precise discourse and celebrate “the King’s English” as much as the educators do on campus. Furthermore, the private and public secondary schools to which our students enroll demand exactly what we are teaching our young people, which is to speak and write clearly, accurately, and precisely.

Not every young person can persuade the school administration to create a swimming pool or a pet day or an ice cream bar or a flag football team. And you certainly are not going to be able to if you cannot create a good, authentic, logical argument in favor of it.

Miss Hill will be to blame, not incidentally, as her students become ever more persuasive in lobbying their parents for a higher allowance or specific toy or possession. When they approach their parents with a 10-point argument in favor of staying up later or getting a dog, The Country School will be totally to blame. I am proud of that.

Oh, and for the record, there is some precedent for Pet Day at The Country School...

Positive Language

In a recent blog, I wrote about the power of words and a growth mindset to encourage appropriate behavior and inspire students to rise to academic, artistic, and athletic challenges. In the days and weeks following the publication of that blog, we have all been astounded by the confusing oral and written emanations from political arenas across the country. Many of the words we have heard have been hateful and inflammatory, and while I find that offensive as an adult, I find it even more troubling as an educator.

Our young people must be baffled. After all, at The Country School, we talk about our three major school rules: Be kind to others. Respect everyone's right to learn. Take responsibility for yourself and your school.

A graphic of The Country School Core Values hangs on a wall in the Farmhouse.

The language we have heard, from both the left and the right, is often in direct contradiction to those rules, and some of the loudest voices belong to people we might one day call President. The way this use of language contradicts our school rules is troubling, but so is what could be an even more chilling ultimate effect. Why, after listening to that Beltway cacophony, would any young person be attracted to serving their country as a politician?

The debasing of the political process through language of turmoil and fear is beneath any office and any candidate. The distortion of language confuses the issues and distracts from a healthy debate about policy and possibilities, and just as the use of this language can be troubling for parents, so it can be troubling for teachers.

Archimedes, the Greek mathematician, scientist, and innovator for whom our Country School mascot is named, reportedly wrote, “Give me but one firm spot on which to stand, and I will move the earth.” I believe the precise and proper use of words is that fulcrum point with which we will collectively move the earth. Accurate syntax, and thoughtful language that is, if not kind, at least respectful, can lead to a calmer political process. On Opening Hill Road, it can help set clear goals and messages for our students.

When we are precise with language and when we are honest about our talents and our areas of potential growth, we can –– as humans –– establish long-term ambitions and then identify the steps it will take to achieve those goals.

We all know that just as liars can figure, so figures can lie. What we are perhaps less aware of is that words, even apparently well-behaved words that give every appearance of telling the truth, can lie, too. I'm not really worried about the occasional misuse of words and phrases. Politicians saying, for example, “At this point in time,” when they mean “now.” Practically everyone these days saying, “Hopefully,” when they mean, “I hope.” People beginning their sentences with, “So,” when that is a clumsy “Umm” opening. Those are mainly harmless mistakes.

What I'm writing about here is using words in one way but slyly pretending they're acting in a quite different way –– words in sheep's clothing. When we describe someone as famous –– forgetting that if she really is, then it's unnecessary to say so, and if she really isn't, then it's false to say so –– we do the same thing. Our words and reality are at war, or at least not on speaking terms. When we say that something is “tremendously small,” we are losing the logic of our language. We might as well be speaking Swahili to each other. To the extent that we let our language go untended, allowing it to become as unruly as a weed-choked garden, we let our minds become weed-choked, too.

A shampoo is said to be “earth born” but what on earth, except perhaps meteorites, isn't? And “organic” and “natural” are used in so many different ways that we end up knowing less about the products than more. Such words act as if they are conveying truth. They are doing nothing of the sort. They are conveying pure confusion. And when we are working with young people, who already abbreviate their thoughts in text messaging and emoticons, it is more essential than ever that words are used in full sentences to convey truth and reality.

And, of course, we need to be careful about language that is hateful or hurtful or unnecessarily provocative. When politicians and parents and teachers teach students to use words honestly and truly, like carpenters using their tools properly, we can lead, inspire, and be a beacon of truth about what we as human beings are and what our world is. We may not clear up a whole lot of the world’s confusion, but at least we won't be adding to it either.

There are always temptations to let words take a day or two off, become ill-mannered and go slumming with bad company. Instead, we need to ask our students to elevate their language. Likewise, we need to model syntactical precision for them as well as the proper use of positive language. We need to keep a close eye on our words. We need to discipline our words. We need to crack them on the knuckles when they misbehave. If we do, in the end, our words will do a lot for us, as well as for the world’s balance of sense and sanity. 

The good news is that the view is not all bleak out there, at least not on Opening Hill Road. Recently, during our first-ever TEDx conference at The Country School, we had some remarkable examples of language being used beautifully –– and for good. We will have much more to show when the official videos are ready, but for now, here's a snippet from a collaborative TEDx talk given by the youngest speakers at the conference –– 4th Grade poets:

And here, too, is some photographic evidence of language being used for good on our campus.

Sharing rules to live by.

Where They’re Going and, More Important, Who They’ll Be

Just as high school students across the country are learning where they will attend college, so students who have elected to apply to independent secondary schools are discovering their options for next year. And despite horror stories about how competitive the admissions scene has become, particularly at the college level, the news is good for current and former Country School students.

We don’t know where they will ultimately elect to go, but secondary school acceptances include the following list of excellent schools:

     Williams School (6)
     Choate Rosemary Hall (4)
     Saint George’s (3)
     The Gunnery (3)
     Holderness (3)
     Hopkins (2)
     Kimball Union Academy (2)
     Pomfret (2)
     Tabor Academy (2)
     Westminster School (2)
     Xavier (2)
     Berkshire School (1)
     Brooks School (1)
     Burke Mountain Academy (1)
     Canterbury (1)
     Cheshire Academy (1)
     Collegiate School (VA) (1)
     Emma Willard (1)
     Ethel Walker (1)
     Governor’s Academy (1)
     Green Mountain Valley (1)
     Groton (1)
     Hamden Hall (1)
     Hotchkiss (1)
     Kent (1)
     Loomis Chaffee (1)
     Millbrook (1)
     Miss Porter’s (1)
     Phillips Academy Andover (1)
     Saint Gertrude's (VA) (1)
     Stoneleigh Burnham (1)
     Taft (1)
     The Trinity School (VA) (1)

 

This list is particularly impressive when you consider that several of these schools are reporting record high numbers of applicants and record low acceptance rates.

Likewise at the collegiate level, where every day brings another article about what some have called the college admission arms race*, the news has been excellent for Country School alumni. At this stage, we’ve only heard from – or about – a handful of former students, but among the schools we know our alumni gained admission to this year are: 

            

     Bryant (2)
     Harvard (2)
     Northeastern (2)
     Union (2)
     Arizona State University (1)
     Bard (1)
     Bates (1)   
     Bentley (1)     
     Boston University (1)
     Catholic University of America (1)
     Champlain College (1)
     Clemson (1)
     College of Charleston (1)
     Dickinson (1)
     Fairfield (1)
     George Washington (1)
     Hamilton (1)
     Ithaca (1)
     Kenyon (1)
     Massachusetts Maritime Academy (1)
     Middlebury (1)
     Penn State (1)
     Pomona (1)
     Quinnipiac (1)
     Salve Regina (1)
     Trinity (1)
     Tulane (1)
     University of Connecticut (1)
     University of Maryland (1)
     University of Massachusetts (1)
     University of Miami (1)
     University of Rhode Island (1)
     University of San Francisco (1)
     University of Texas (1)
     University of Vermont (1)
     Yale (1)

Again, this list is impressive, particularly when you consider that some of these schools are reporting admission rates hovering around 5 or 6 percent.

Since many of our students spend many more years at The Country School than at their secondary schools, we take great pride in where they attend college and how they do once they get there. But even as I share these lists, I do so with some trepidation, because – to quote the title of Frank Bruni’s recent book about the college admission race – “Where you go is not who you'll be." (The full title of the book, published last year by the New York Times columnist, is Where You Go is Not Who You’ll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania.)

Recently a former Country School parent told us she had been in the audience during college counseling weekend at Phillips Exeter, where her daughter is a junior, when Mr. Bruni delivered the keynote address. He shared several messages that proved calming for an understandably anxious crowd, but for this former Country School parent, one point particularly hit home.

Citing research done on something called the "thriving index" (learn more), Mr. Bruni said the true determinants of a college graduate's long-term well-being had very little to do with WHERE he or she went to school but rather HOW he or she experienced college. Among the criteria that were critical in determining a positive outcome were the answers to the following questions. In college, did the student:

1)      Have a mentor?

2)      Have an inspiring professor?

3)      Have extracurricular experiences he or she was excited about?

4)      Engage in a meaningful long-term project?

"What struck me as I listened to Mr. Bruni," the parent told us, "was that my child had been fortunate enough to have those conditions met well before college. In fact, they've been in place during her entire school career, starting with her years at The Country School." 

And so I share these acceptance lists, or measurable outcomes, with a caveat: Regardless of WHERE our students go on to school, what really matters is HOW they do it. 

  

Mentors. Inspiring teachers. Engaging extracurriculars. Meaningful long-term projects. Research tells us that those are the things that ultimately matter. And at The Country School, these are the things we will continue to put in place, front and center.

I particularly like this excerpt from Mr. Bruni's book. He is describing college, but insofar as his words echo our Mission Statement, he might as well be talking about The Country School:

“College is a singular opportunity to rummage through and luxuriate in ideas, to give your brain a vigorous workout and your soul a thorough investigation, to realize how very large the world is and to contemplate your desired place in it.” 

* For anyone interested in reading more about the college admissions scene and some of the changes that may be forthcoming, here are a few recent stories:

• From The Washington Post: How college admissions have turned into something akin to 'The Hunger Games'
• From The Atlantic: The Absurdity of College Admissions
• From The Atlantic: Where College Admissions Went Wrong
• From The New York Times: Rethinking College Admissions

P.S. Alumni, if you have updates regarding college placement, please let us know! Email your news to communications@thecountryschool.org.

For a list of where our alumni have elected to attend high school and college in recent years, see Life After TCS from the school website.

Growth Mindsets, Positive and Precise Language, and Poetry

At our most recent Professional Development Day, we enjoyed a powerful session with Peggy Chappell, a licensed clinical social worker and former Country School administrator with more than 30 years of experience as a clinician, educator, and coach. The conversation came at the optimal time in the academic year, with teachers and students back from the long winter break.

Peggy spoke about the power of words to encourage appropriate behavior and to inspire students to rise to academic, artistic, and athletic challenges. Peggy spoke of “adopting a growth mindset,” in which the words we use and the attitude we assume encourage all of us –– both students and educators –– to make ourselves vulnerable enough to stretch, explore, and accomplish more than we otherwise would.

As those familiar with the work of Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck will know, a growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset. The latter is based on the notion that qualities such as intelligence and talent are fixed traits and that those fixed traits alone will determine success. Conversely, in the growth mindset model, people believe that a person’s abilities –– and ultimately what they are capable of accomplishing –– can be developed through dedication and hard work; intelligence and talents are simply starting points.

In the days following Peggy's presentation, with faculty members and administrators continuing to discuss her wisdom in the hallways, classrooms, and over meals, I have been turning her message over in my mind. The power of positive language and adopting a growth mindset can be hugely influential in the life of a young person. Peggy's message has made me think even more about the power of words and the need to use words precisely in a world that is changing so quickly and is so full of ambiguity.

With visions of the 60th Anniversary MacLane Poetry Recitation fresh in my mind, I am also reminded of the way words can be used to evoke an emotion, an idea, an ideal, a moment in history, and other voices. As John Burt, Country School class of 1971 and one of the judges at our MacLane Recitation finals, said, poetry, and specifically the way language is used and delivered when reciting poetry, can “transcend time.” As he so poignantly and gratefully said after the recitation, for him, the MacLane finalists did just that (for more, visit: http://www.thecountryschool.org/cf_news/view.cfm?newsID=945). 

As a school that educates students for as many as 11 years, we strongly advocate and follow a growth mindset. We thrill in watching a timid student grow in confidence over the years, a tentative science student join the Robotics Club, a tentative writer submit works to the Eureka literary magazine. And when students discover a challenge that elevates them  –– and in the process elevates us as well  –– it can take our breath away. 

That is what happened on February 12 when, for a little over an hour and a half, 25 students shared their deep understanding of and appreciation for the words of poets. We heard precise language, we saw positive mindsets in action, we witnessed poetry embodied, and time stood still. Below is one example. Listen to Phineas S., a 6th Grader, as he recites “Wilderness” by Carl Sandburg, a performance that earned him the gold medal.

Thank you to all of the students who participated in the MacLane Recitation for elevating our minds and our spirits. And thank you, as well, to Peggy Chappell, LCSW, for inspiring so much conversation and thinking about the language we use.

For more about Peggy, visit www.peggychappellconsulting.com. For more about the MacLane Poetry Recitation, The Country School's oldest tradition, visit http://www.thecountryschool.org/signature-programs/public-speaking/maclane-poetry-recitation.

Golf Drives, the Human Drive, and MacLane Poetry

A number of years ago, Jeff Sluman, already on the professional golf tour for seven or eight years, won the Tucson Classic Golf Tournament. The win was barely mentioned in the newspapers because Sluman was not yet well known and the Tucson Tournament was over-shadowed by other competitions.

Most impressive to me, however, is that Sluman won after shooting the highest score of any of the competing pros on the opening day of the competition. That is, he finished the first of four days in dead last position. After that inauspicious beginning, Sluman triumphed, incredibly, by stringing together three strong days of lower scores than anyone else.

It would've been understandable if, after play​ing​ badly the first day, ​this​ relatively win​less​ professional had given up. But he did​ not​. ​At the time I knew​ nothing of his personality​ ​but I applauded​ his diligence and optimism. I​n this​ age of multi-million-dollar athlete slam-​dunking​ in each others​'​ faces, Sl​uman's​ example of quiet, businesslike tenacity represents a role model to make parents and teachers cry with happiness.

Aldou​​s Huxley is quoted as saying, ​"P​erhaps the greatest result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the things you have to do when they ought to be done whether you like it or not." Huxley's sentiment reminds us that although joy, inspiration, and shared happiness ​are​ the fruits of good education, none of these c​an​ be cultivated without a good dose of old-fashion​ed​ hard work.

Today's children are confronted with cultural messages that teach all too frequently th​at​ pleasure is found in the immediate, and so if we are to help our young people avoid an ethic of shallow and ephemeral happiness, we must help students discipline themselves to postpone gratification. Often the greatest boost ​to​ self-confidence and the greatest self development in a young person's life​ are when a​ student conf​ronts​ a challenge she or he thought overwhelming and discovers that she or he is, after all, able to achieve more than anticipated.

In the coming days, we will see those lessons in action as Country School students participate in the 60th Anniversary MacLane Poetry Recitation, our school's oldest tradition. As we do each year, we will hear from students who have chosen astoundingly ambitious poems — some that are hard to remember and some that are hard to understand — and they will astonish us with the sophistication of their delivery and their commitment to the poet's words.

At the same time, we will hear from children who are not fond of public speaking and who don't enjoy the limelight, and yet they, too, will commit to their poem, going beyond what we — and even they — thought possible.

And then there will inevitably be a Sluman-type scenario, one of those events that really moves a teacher. The child who, in 1st Grade, was terrified to stand up on stage and recite her poem in front of an audience, is now a 5th Grader. She rises to her feet in front of the crowd, opens her mouth to recite, and we see that she has discovered her voice.

In anticipation of the diligence and tenacity that I know we will see in the coming days, I share this video, created by a Country School parent a few years back. It is playful, but its message is serious and worth celebrating.

A second video, created by a reporter from The New London Day a few years ago, also has some important messages. Listen for Alexandra near the end of the video, when she explains why she selected the poem she did. By Louise Driscoll, it is called Hold Fast to Your Dreams.

Huxley and Sluman remind us — as, in fact, do our children — that as parents and teachers, perhaps the most significant and the most crucial challenge we face is fostering ​in​ young people an appreciation for the quiet rewards found​ in​ diligence, tenacity, and commitment. We also hope, as Sluman most certainly must have, that they have fun!

Celebrating a Country School Alumna: A Shout Out to Marina Sachs ’07, The Source's "Person of the Week"

Marina Sachs and students at Connecticut College's TEDxYouthDay.

The Country School Mission Statement calls on our students to “serve their communities and the larger world” and to “reach their highest, not only in school but also in life.” At the same time, we have developed a series of mission-supporting signature programs – Elmore Leadership, STEAM, Public Speaking, and Outdoor Education – specifically designed to teach our students to think broadly, develop and use their voices, and become confident, contributing leaders capable of effecting change.

This year, we have been privileged to watch Marina Sachs, a member of The Country School’s class of 2007 and a 2015 graduate of Connecticut College, live our mission. In addition to running our before- and after-school Owl’s Nest and helping out in the Farmhouse, Marina is organizing the first-ever Kindergarten-8th Grade TEDx event in Connecticut. She has engaged a committed team of 30 Country School students, and she has inspired interest from outside educators and students as well. Together with her TEDx team, she is planning an ongoing series of TEDx events that will culminate in our TEDxTheCountrySchool Spring Conference on April 23. TEDxTheCountrySchool not only speaks to our mission, it reenforces the skills we seek to develop through our signature programs: collaboration, communication, critical thinking, creativity, empathy, teamwork, and perseverance.

While working on the TEDxTheCountrySchool program, Marina has also fostered an ongoing relationship with young people on the Cheyenne River Indian Reservation, where she volunteered last summer after receiving a $10,000 Davis Project for Peace Grant. In South Dakota, Marina led children and teens through a series of TED-inspired activities, encouraging discussion about important topics – or in TED vernacular, “ideas worth spreading.”

This week, Marina’s extraordinary work was recognized by The Source newspaper when they made her Madison’s Person of the Week. Click here to read Marina Sachs: Bringing TED Talks to The Country School, a profile of Marina focusing on her work on the Cheyenne River Indian Reservation and all she is doing at The Country School to encourage our students to also share and discuss "ideas worth spreading" while they "reach their highest, not only in school but also in life."

The front page of today's Source.

Members of the TCS TEDx team.

For more about Marina’s work with TEDxTheCountrySchool, click here. For a recent letter from Marina to The Country School community in which she announces the TEDx conference theme and releases the conference video, click here.

Elmore Leadership: A Signature Program at The Country School

At The Country School, we strive to empower young people to reach their highest, not only in school but also in life.

There are many lines in our School Mission Statement that inspire me, both as a parent and an educator. But that particular sentence, the final line in our school’s guiding document, gets at the heart of what I think we most want for our students.

Which is why I am thrilled to announce the establishment of the Elmore Leadership Program. Named for longtime Country School trustee Robert W. (Bill) Elmore, the aim of the Elmore Leadership Program is to develop our students into civic-minded citizens who will become tomorrow's leaders - individuals committed to practicing The Country School's core values of kindness, respect, and responsibility.

Through a carefully crafted series of activities, programs, and experiences, the Elmore Leadership Program instills in students strong motivational and analytical skills. All students, from PreSchool-Grade 8, learn the power of teamwork, collaboration, empathetic listening, and appreciative inquiry by taking turns leading and letting others lead, maximizing the talents and backgrounds of all members of a team.

STEAM, Outdoor Education adventures, public speaking opportunities, MacLane Poetry recitations, musical and dramatic performances, athletic team responsibilities, and service learning initiatives are all part of the Elmore Leadership Program. Assessments, self-reflection, and feedback are also important components of the leadership learning process, taking place year by year in an atmosphere that allows for mistakes, growth, and resilience.

Our program recognizes that at each grade level, students will develop leadership skills in different ways and at different times. Through our five-year continuum of school-wide yearly themes (Cooperation, Assertion, Responsibility, Empathy, and Self Control – or CARES*), a young student might begin as a silent leader, setting examples for others, but then become more outspoken in a later grade once confident in his/her leadership ability.

Older and younger students are paired together for peer-to-peer experiences that include Reading Buddies, cross grade level activities, and other opportunities that call for leadership and development. The Elmore Leadership Program culminates in the Capstone Independent Study Project in 8th Grade, launching our young leaders on to secondary school.

Through the Elmore Leadership Program, we welcome visitors to campus who share with students their experiences as leaders. Recently, students in Grades 4-8 heard from the inaugural Elmore Leadership speaker, recently retired Madison 1st Selectman Fillmore McPherson. During his visit, Mr. McPherson shared his thoughts about leadership as well as stories from his years in the Navy and local government. Students, in turn, displayed leadership, with one 8th Grader eloquently and confidently introducing our speaker, a second 8th Grader graciously thanking him at the conclusion of his talk, and a handful of students, some as young as 4th Grade, asking earnest, thoughtful questions of our guest.

We believe so strongly in our leadership program, that when parents see their child’s report card, they will notice a section devoted to leadership. This is not to be a “graded” assessment, but more of a narrative explaining the ways in which their child is developing as a leader. Our hope is that by pointing out, and then reflecting back on, these experiences and stories, all of us will become more conscious of what it means to be a leader. And ultimately, we all will be empowered to “reach our highest, not only in school but also in life.”

At The Country School, our students learn that they can make a difference in the world. Pulitzer-Prize winning leadership scholar James MacGregor Burns wrote, "The call for leaders is one of the keynotes of our time." Through our focused curriculum and a community and culture that support their efforts, Country School students are well-equipped to answer that call.

The Elmore Leadership Initiative was created in honor of longtime Country School trustee Bill Elmore, an educator, lawyer, and organizational development consultant who modeled a form of leadership based on listening, teamwork, and appreciative inquiry. When Mr. Elmore passed away in 2009, a committee was formed to honor his legacy and create a framework for teaching students the leadership skills he embraced and exhibited in his daily life. The Elmore Leadership Program grew from those discussions.

* Principles and Practices of Responsive Classroom. Center for Responsive Schools, Inc. 2015. Web. 13 October 2015.

Learn more about leadership and The Country School's other signature programs at http://www.thecountryschool.org/signature-programs